As I peruse our, oh so familiar social websites there is a
sign of love all around! Whether it be a
break up and there is a falling out or whether there is great praise for the
one that is loved, it’s here it’s here!
But none like the ballad of Valentine's Day. As innocent and harmless as St. Valentine’s
Day may appear, its traditions and customs originate from two of the most
sexually perverted fiestas of ancient history.
So how can we not want that crazy uninhibited love!
No, this not a history lesson but a wakeup call to those who
want to lay claim love. Love starts with
you. When my children were very young and impressionable before they would go
out and start their day, I would give them a hug and look them in the eyes and
say to them,” that they were the most beautiful children in the world and they
could do anything they put their hearts then your minds to.” Today, they continue to live out those words
in actions and decisions when they enter into relationships and I laugh at
myself sometimes as their actions remind me of what I said to them so many
times. Some of us may not have been told
those wonderful words of self -love but as maturity sets in it avails us time
to reassess who we believe we are. And
who we believe we are sets the tone for how we are loved.
I tell you this because we are always looking for love
whether from friends, family or mere strangers.
Our humanism thrives for that love and it is so easy because we are
human. The difficult part is finding the
right love. I must admit that lots of
people don’t really know what they are doing when it comes to that erotic love.
Good old history tells us, that Cupid has both a cruel and a
happy personality. He would use his
invisible arrows, tipped with gold, to strike unsuspecting men and women,
causing them to fall madly in love. The thing we weren’t told he did not do
this for their benefit, but to drive them crazy with intense passion, to make
their lives miserable, and to laugh at the results. In my mind’s eye, Cupid would be dead in
laughter so many times over with the escapades of most of us. How do we STOP that laughter?
Could Cupid be that cruel to make us happy and yet still border craziness?
It’s all up to us!
Finding love gets us absolutely nowhere unless there is a
plan on actually doing something to make love happen. And by doing, I don’t mean signing up for
every dating site, going to every event or announcing to every friend that you
are single and pushing them to set you up.
It is exhausting and not worth your time if you don’t have you together
in the first place, so that if someone great shows up you will know what to do!
Here are three marks you are NOT ready for love.
1. You don’t like
anything. Your self- esteem is struggling and when you point out everyone
else’s failings you think people won’t notice yours. You might be able to keep
that disguise around work or even some friends, but love is not going to fall
for it.
Truth is: When you
are like that, the translation to other people is, “what does she actually
think about me?” A new wonderful date after laughing a few times is going to
start wondering what things you are going to criticize them about. And ultimately, anyone who is healthy is not
falling for it.
When you love yourself it shows through the way you move in
this world. In the way you are kind,
accepting of others, and understanding that everyone is fighting their own
battle, realizing that the best thing about life is that everyone is
different. That doesn’t mean you don’t
joke around or a little sarcastic, it just means it isn’t constantly focused at
others.
#2. You are uncomfortable
with someone liking you. You meet someone. They are doing everything that they
are supposed to be doing and it feels tremendously uncomfortable. You start looking for excuses to get out of
it. You start to look for stupid things
that don’t really matter to talk you out of it.
Truth is: If you do
not like yourself very much, when someone starts to like you it doesn’t make
sense. It doesn’t compute in your
brain. You learned that love looks a
certain way (maybe not a healthy one) and it isn’t matching up in your head. If
good people liking you makes you feel uncomfortable and you sabotage it, you
need to step up and take care of that because it isn’t going to magically go
away. You are just going to keep dating
people who are difficult and probably unhealthy. No one sets out to have a
ho-hum, unhealthy relationship that is really hard and makes them feel like exhausted
most days, not no one!
#3. You have no idea
what you need. I can guarantee what you are looking for is what I call a whoopla
relationship. Something much more than
your parents or grandparents, which was fed to us by media and our small sphere
of influence. Propaganda! I am no way saying these ideals are bad
things, but to have a relationship like this you need to know what YOU NEED, not
what you want.
Truth is: Throw away
the long list of so called the qualities of your soul mate. It’s degrading to the future person that is
choosing to love you, show up every day and be great for you.
Instead, work on what you need. Retrain yourself to feel good. Grow!
Learn how to be your best self.
Learn new perspectives. Love in a
huge way. We change lives just because we are loved.
This kind of love does not come from a magic spell nor does
it just happen to lucky people. It comes
from planning smart, knowing what you need but rewarding self-worth up front,
so you can create that kind of love and relationship. And for Cupid’s sake stop looking for love in
all the wrong places start in you and all the love will come directly to you.
